On The Vest
by paigee.yovkoff
Summary: "...used to write stuff in their vests before heading out. You know, prayers, messages to loved ones. Just in case." - Est. McCollins. Prompted by scenes from 4x12. Angst.
1. One

**On The Vest  
Words: **736**  
Couple: **Andy McNally and Nick Collins.**  
TV Show: **Rookie Blue.**  
Disclaimer: **All characters you recognize do not belong to me.**  
AU.  
Idea prompted by scene from 4x12.  
Established Nick/Andy.  
Angst.**

…

Her hands are shaking, she can barely keep herself together and it's killing her. It's over an hour after she'd gotten the call from Chris Diaz telling her that he was coming by in a squad car to pick her up and she's sitting there in the waiting room and she's _terrified_.

After the last year-and-a-half, she couldn't blame herself. After what had happened during the end of Project Dakota and then everything that had happened at the station with Kevin Ford, Andy McNally couldn't stop herself from sitting in the waiting chair feeling as though she should be doing something.

She's twisting the ring around on her finger, she's only just stopping herself from pulling it off and slipping it on the chain that is usually around her neck. Being surrounded by so many people in uniform, there's a small part of her brain that still doesn't believe it's happened and that she's just sitting in the station.

But then the nagging reminder comes back and she's left trying her hardest not to hyperventilate or break down or just _shut down_. It's every single part of her that's trying to pull her down onto the hospital floor and it's every single part of her that's telling her it's alright to cry.

Then she looks up to the doors that lead to where he was lying on a metal table getting stitched back together and she's reminding herself that she has to be strong. If not for herself, for him. Because he needs that.

"McNally?"

She finds herself unable to respond, she just shakes her head even though she knows that he won't turn around and leave. He's going to fight for a response from her and he's going to make her listen to him. He's always been like that.

"I found something, that should-uh-should help you, I just."  
"What do you want Sam?"

Looking up at him she realizes that the reason her sneakers had looked so distorted while looking down at them was because the tears she was refusing to let drop were brimming her eyes and making it impossible to see much of anything but blurred shapes.

"Diaz stopped me before I came over to take Ollie's statement, gave me Collins' vest. I don't know how he got it out of evidence, or how he convinced Frank to let him take it away from the station, but he was persistent on me giving you the vest. And I guess I can see why."

She blinks, pushing back some of the tears in her eyes, just enough for her to look at his hands and catch a glimpse of silver writing on the inside of the left strap.

"He explained that some of Collins' platoon buddies did it, write messages on their vests before they headed out for patrol. He caught him doing it a good six months ago, suggested you start with the front right shoulder, didn't tell me why," he tells her as she stands up, her fingers catching the bottom edge of the vest, "Some of it's still got blood on it, but there'd have been no way to get it off without washing away some of the writing."

Andy's blinking furiously, creases in her forehead as she frowns and takes the vest from his hands. It takes her a moment, but she finally realizes just how heavy it is when she's gripping it tighter so she won't drop it, partially terrified that she'll lose a part of him if she did.

"I saw Celery go past, I think she went to get you some coffee," he says quietly, taking a step back, his feet no longer in her line of sight, "I have to take statements, but you will be okay here, right?"  
"Yeah, yeah I will," Andy nods, looking up from the vest just for a moment, "Thank you."

As he walks away, she's opening the vest and her eyes are scanning over the writing that filled small scattered areas on the inside of the front. This time around, as her eyes fall on her name multiple times, and she goes over the small dates he's put beside each section of writing he's done, Andy doesn't fight the tears.

It's as though she can't.

And when a sob breaks through her, and she's reading what's there, she can't tell you what she's feeling anymore. Because absolutely everything is numb.

…

_And let's all crawl into balls and cry because they kissed in the middle of the station this episode and they're just so. Eh. I hate them so much because I'm actually crying right now._

_So here we go!_

_Let's put some angst out there to cover with more angst and all that jazz._

_Have a plan for another part, and I'm going with the assumption that over the next six-or-so months since the Ford thing that Nick has written maybe one or two things on his vest since then._

_So I'll be writing those out with Andy's reaction – including what I believe he wrote during the previous episode._

_I haven't written the next chapter yet, so I'm not entirely sure when that'll be up. But I'm hoping it shouldn't be too far away. Outlining everything in my head._

**_Also_**_: When I write dates with his little 'paragraphs' or whatever, I'm going by the air date of the episode. So I know that after the section for this episode, it'll be 100% AU. But the date that I put with the one from 4x12 will be the air date._

_(Repeating one's self FTW. c: )_

_Thank you!_

_All mistakes are mine._

_Review?_


	2. Two

**On The Vest  
Words: **600**  
Couple: **Andy McNally and Nick Collins.**  
TV Show: **Rookie Blue.**  
Disclaimer: **All characters you recognize do not belong to me.**  
AU.  
Idea prompted by scene from 4x12.  
Established Nick/Andy.  
Angst.**

…

Andy McNally's fingers tap against the take-out coffee in her hands. She's too wired to drink anymore, she hasn't slept in over twenty-four hours and she hasn't moved from the seat she was in beside Nick Collins' bedside since the doctor had allowed her into his room just over eight hours ago. She knows she should sleep, but she can't. There's always a flicker, just a small twitch, that has her at his bedside in seconds and begging him to be awake this time.

The vest is on a table somewhere to her right, where the doctor had rested his clipboard when he came to check on the male officer less than an hour ago. She couldn't read it while out in the waiting room, she'd just tucked her legs underneath herself as best as she could and sat there with it held tightly to her chest.

For the moment that was all she needed. Just a small part of him close to her heart. Even if the bottom half was stained in blood and it was possibly going to be taken off her sometime in the future to be reinstituted as evidence in whatever case they were building.

Celery had sat with her for a while, but had left to drive Oliver Shaw home not long after joining her, and had promised to be a phone call away – both her _and _Oliver. The woman had sat there with a hand over Andy's and had been hesitant to leave her there by herself, clutching the vest tightly.

She glances at it, stopping her tapping on the cup for long enough to think over the different possibilities.

She could read it and break down again, though this time in the confines of Nick Collins' hospital room and the only person able to enter being the operation doctor or the nurse who walked by every half-hour. Or she can read it and regret it, knowing that never in his life had he thought about her ever having to read it.

Andy had only glimpsed at it momentarily, long enough to see the dates next to the four passages recognize the moments almost immediately. When she had seen the date _5-9-13 _in his messy scrawl, her heart began hammering in her chest and she'd had to look away to keep from going into some form of shock

Reaching across and pulling it to her lap, she's running her thumb over the passage in question, wiling herself not to look down at the dried blood on the bottom.

_Andy McNally._

With a glimpse at his still form she's feeling her heart hammer in her chest again and Andy is back to blinking to make sure she can see again.

_I'm going out there without you, but we're both coming home tonight. And we're going to argue over who cooks dinner tonight, and I'll win because we both know that you can't cook if you're life depended on it. But I'm okay with that. Because it's worth it, just like it always has been._

"God dammit Nick Collins," she whispers to herself, edging her chair closer to his bed, "You better wake up or I'll kill you myself. Because I don't think I'll ever be able to do this without you."

She lifts a hand and slips it into his, sniffing slightly and shaking her head. Andy swallowed and felt like her heart was stuck in her throat and her stomach was tied in knots with worry, and she couldn't see herself moving from that chair until everything was better again.

However long that took.

…

_A part of me feels that what was written may have been a bit OCish on Nick's part, but I'm drowning in feels so I can't differenciate anyway._

_So I wrote up there that Nick had written four messages on his vest, so I would say a chapter for each? Or maybe the two in one chapter plus one by itself – of course that's not including this one that's by itself. Oh and an Epilogue. Because I've already started writing that in my head. And it'll be fluffier than all of this! So 6 chapters all up? 5 – if I put two in the one chapter. I'll figure it out properly when I get to it c:_

_Thank you!_

_All mistakes are mine._

_Review?_


	3. Three

**On The Vest.  
Words: **691**  
Couple: **Andy McNally and Nick Collins.**  
TV Show: **Rookie Blue.**  
Disclaimer: **All characters you recognize do not belong to me.**  
AU.  
Established Andy/Nick.  
Angst.**

…

The doctor has been in the room twice during the last hour, Traci Nash had dropped by to update her on the investigation and had been sitting in the chair on the other side of Nick Collins' bed keeping Andy company for the last half-hour. The detective was doing exactly what Andy couldn't, _talk_.

Traci told her about how Steve had taken Leo for the night, giving her some nonsense about male bonding and planning for her birthday – "He honestly thinks he's fooling me. He's totally smitten by Leo Andy, 100% smitten." – and about how she had found the folder she'd used to begin planning her wedding with Jerry and was willing to let Andy use it for her own – "If you don't take it, I know Claire or Nick will. Your fiancée is a girl at heart Andy, that or he's just hopelessly in love with you."

It was a distraction, she could identify that from the moment her friend had entered the room, but it didn't distract her from much.

The vest was leaning up against her chair, still where she'd put it after the woman had entered the room. Every once in a while she'd tap her finger against it anxiously, trying her hardest not to pick it up and keep reading. She couldn't.

What if he truly hadn't have wanted her to read them?

"Andy?"

Her eyes snap up to her friend, who is watching her from across the bed.

"I'm fine Traci."  
"I didn't even ask you."  
"I know you were going to."  
"Tell me about it."  
"About what?"  
"The vest."

Her eyes narrow as she glances down at it, and realizes that her chair was angled correctly for the woman to be able to see it. For a moment all she can hear is the beeping of the monitor that was keeping track of Nick's condition and she pulls it up onto her lap.

"Apparently they used to write messages on their vests before going out into the field," she explains slowly.  
"In Afghanistan?"  
"Yeah."  
"So Nick."  
"Yep."  
"You read it yet?"  
"One of them."  
"_One_?"

She nods slowly, flipping the vest open and running her palm over the next passage. The date next to it meant nothing to her. Two days before Christmas, it wasn't anything that jumped out at her straight away.

"There's four of them," Andy tells her, looking up from the date and watching as her best friend dragged her chair around to sit beside her, "I guess there was more to say, but I can't, I can't help but think that I shouldn't have."  
"Shouldn't have read them?"  
"What if I wasn't supposed to? What if it turned out they weren't for me after all? That would have been just-"  
"You thinking of the worse possible situation."

Andy shakes her head and looks back down at the vest, hoping that if she pretends that they're not in a hospital room, it'll turn out that they aren't.

"Read them Andy. Don't overthink it."

_You and me against the world Andy, Kevin Ford's trial isn't going to be a problem, it'll be over in a week, and we can all move on._

"Talk to me Andy."  
"I hate him. I really do."  
Andy can practically hear Traci Nash's smile, "You're madly in love with that man."  
"That too."

_Nothing bad ever happens at Christmas, so this shift will be a breeze. But either way, I love you Andy and like I've told you time and time again, we're both coming home tonight. Your mother would kill us if we didn't._

Her hand goes to her hair, and she's terrified that she'll reach for the bed and hit him.

"You good?" Traci asks.  
"Yeah," she smiles, gripping Nick's hand and looking to the detective.

The detective's comment about calling dibs on being her chief bridesmaid is ignored when she feels a slight grip on her hand. She drops the vest to the floor and stands at the side of the bed, squeezing the hand to test if he'll squeeze her hand again.

"Andy?"  
"He squeezed my hand, Trace, he-he-"  
"I'll get the doctor."

…

_And he's awake!_

_The next one will have the last two passages, then an epilogue. So two chapters left and it's over._

_Thank you!_

_All mistakes are mine._

_Review?_


	4. Four

**On The Vest.  
Words: **845**  
Couple: **Andy McNally and Nick Collins**  
TV Show: **Rookie Blue.**  
Disclaimer: **All characters you recognize do not belong to me.**  
AU.  
Established Andy/Nick.**

…

Nick Collins notices the vest lying on a chair beside his bed, and he frowns in confusion when he realizes that it's his. He would think that it would be in evidence, but there it was.

His hospital room had been quiet for the last hour since Traci Nash had left, with his attending doctor following her. Andy had climbed into the hospital bed beside him, being careful not to elbow his injury, and had been lying there with her head on his shoulder in complete silence.

"Andy?"  
"Hm?"  
"Is that mine?"

Her head rises from his shoulder and she reaches for it. When she pulls it onto her lap and flips it so he can see his own writing and he can almost feel her start to hesitate.

"Have you read them yet?"  
"Uh, two of them. You woke up and I was more concerned with making sure you were okay."

He can only nod, before reaching to grip her hand with his. He watches as she runs her thumb over the date of his third message for her, and when he glances to her face the smile began to confuse him.

"We saved two kids that day," she reminds him, "Four days before Valentine's Day, and we're arguing about whether or not we'll do anything for such a tacky holiday, walking into a convenience store and we interrupt a mother in an aisle who had threatened the owner with a bat and was using it to beat her kids. Turned out they weren't hers. Weirdest case we'd gotten in a while."  
"Sparked Claire's comment about us being parents," Nick chuckles with a shake of his head.  
"I think we've had more awkward moments."

Andy is smirking at him and he doesn't care that she's picking on him for the countless times her father has called him out on anything and everything.

"I don't remember what I wrote that day."  
"Further evidence that you have the memory of a goldfish, Officer Collins."  
"Can't call me that for much longer," he smiles, "That'll be your name soon."  
"A few months to go still."  
"Still going to happen."

Her head is back to laying on his shoulder and he knows she's back to looking at the messages written in the silver sharpie.

"_After today I am 100% positive Andy McNally that you will be an amazing mother_," she reads after a moment, "_And there is no doubt about it that your child will be one of the luckiest people ever, and if you ever doubt that I will personally be the one to knock sense back into you. Andy McNally, you are __magical_."

He moves to adjust her so she can look up at him with craning her neck, in his side he can feel a dull ache but tries to ignore it for the time being.

"What's so important about April 18th?" she questions him, her eyes on the vest and not him.  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm enacting our no-secret policy and I'm confused."  
"That's the day I bought your ring."

When she frowns and glances up at him, he reaches to wipe an eyelash from her cheek with his thumb, and he's fighting the urge to kiss her in case the doctor finds it the best time to interrupt them.

"Oliver and I were interviewing people a neighborhood over from your old apartment, and I went into the store and I came out with that. We had to go back to the division for a debrief with Traci, and I sat down in the locker room and planned it all with Diaz."  
"What did you write?"  
"What did I say to you when I proposed to you?"  
Andy smiles and playfully hits his shoulder, "You're such a girl! Diaz too!"  
"That's bullying Andy McNally," he warns her with a smirk.  
"God damn I love you."

He's laughing as she lies down on her side beside him again while dropping the vest on the floor beside the hospital bed, and her head is lying on his chest gingerly. Dropping a kiss to her temple he keeps his arm firmly around her waist and his eyes on her.

_You and me against the world Andy McNally._

"Nick?"  
"Yeah sweetheart?"  
"Don't ever do that again. I can't lose you."  
His arm tightens slightly around her, a part of him almost dying to promise that he will never leave her, "I won't."  
"Good. Because I'll kill you if you died on me."

Nick shakes his head and chuckles, giving the doctor a smile as he walks into the hospital room.

_I can sit beside you in a squad car for almost ten hours just doing what we do, and go home to watch you dance around in one of my t-shirts you've stolen and like __hell__ I'll get tired of you. Nothing even compares to waking up to you every day and nothing will ever compare to how I feel when I'm around you. You're it for me Andy. 100%. So do me this honor, and become my wife._

**_…_**

**_DO NOT POST SPOILERS IN THE REVIEWS. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. DON'T SAY A WORD. JUST SPARE ME NOW. TUMBLR HAS ALREADY KILLED ME._**

_Please and thank you c:_

_One more to go!_

_Thank you!_

_All mistakes are mine._

_Review?_


	5. Five

**On The Vest.  
Words: **489**  
Couple: **Andy McNally (Collins) and Nick Collins.**  
TV Show: **Rookie Blue.**  
Disclaimer: **All characters you recognize do not belong to me.**  
AU.  
Established Andy/Nick.**

…

**_Seven Months Later._**

She's searching through her locker for the keys to the house when he enters the female locker room at the start of the next shift. Nick Collins is in his uniform and he's almost ecstatic at the sight of his wife.

"If you keep wearing my shirts to work, Officer Collins, people will begin to ask questions, "he teases her, leaning against the locker beside hers.  
"That's a shame," Andy sighs dramatically, "I _love _sneaking around."

She closes her locker but keeps it unlocked, mirroring his posture with a small piece of photographic paper between her fingers.

"So I take it Frank let Traci take you to the appointment?"  
"Yeah, you were out at the accident downtown, guess you got my message then?"  
"Of course I did, when a pretty women calls, I always see why," he winks, inching closer to her.

Nick can feel her hand on his arm, slowly trailing up to his neck where she could simply pull herself up to kiss him. When she pulls away his eyes follow hers as she trails a finger along the hem of his shirt.

"Written anything on your new vest yet?"  
"Nope."  
"Good," she nods slowly, "I have something you can stick on it instead."

He can only smile broadly as she flips the photo in her fingers around to show him the ultrasound from less than an hour earlier.

"It's amazing," Nick whispers, one hand reaching to hold the photo with her and another resting on her waist, "That's _amazing_."  
"I was waiting for you to say magical."  
"I'm getting to that, trust me."

He looks back to her face and he can see every single emotion flash through her eyes as she tries to settle down.

"It's still so surreal," he murmurs.  
"We're going to be _parents_," Andy laughs quietly, a glance around the locker room once more before she leans up to stand eye-to-eye with him.  
"Excited?"  
"Nervous. And scared. But yeah," she nods, "In the vests, there's this lining, it comes apart slightly."

Nick smiles, a glance at the entrance to the locker room tells him that he's going to be late for parade as he watches Traci Nash push a startled Gail Peck into the room.

"You're in the ladies locker room G.I. Joe," Traci comments, a smirk on her lips as Gail shoots her an annoyed glance in reply from an earlier comment.  
"And I'm going to be late for parade," Nick replies simply, taking the photo from his wife's fingers and kissing her cheek quickly, "Have a good day ladies."

He makes his way out of the locker room, slipping the ultrasound carefully under his vest and into the front pocket of his uniform. A small smile on his face, Nick Collins can barely give a damn that he's beginning the second half of his back-to-back shifts, and only hopes that nothing will happen to ruin the mood he was in.

…

_I feel like the end was a bit of a, what do you say? Cop-out? I don't know. But that's it guys!_

_I am working on more McCollins stuff! Including an AU Project Dakota that ends up with them together about mid-way through the assignment – obviously goes with the assumption that Gail/Nick were __**over **__before Dakota began and obviously McSwarek ended on the rocky ledge it did. And also may or may not have started an all fluff story that would be like a look into married McCollins life with a baby on the way. Because that story-line is __so__ not overused c;_

_Anyway!_

_Thank you all for the reviews/favourites/alerts on this story! It's been fun to write! (Even including the angst)_

_All mistakes made are mine, any confusions can be PM-ed to me or left in a review._


End file.
